The Sophie’s Choice

Till yesterday I was a die-hard believer of retail therapy. Undoubtedly, money gave me the power to get out of my blues and instantly make me happy by getting the new-things. This happiness was doubled when the online emporiums were a click away getting all my new-things at my doorstep.

But I wondered why did this happiness not last long enough? Why was it that before I could revel in the new-thing, I was over with it. Also, why did this new-thing isolated me from my friends and family.

I went into an investigative mood and spent a lot of time researching and discussing. I found that my counterparts across the world prefer to spend their money on experiences like traveling, trekking or holidaying over buying new-things like gadgets, clothes or furniture set.

Probing deeper, this phenomena was corroborated by Dr. Thomas Gilovic, a psychology professor at Cornell University, USA. In his 20 year old study he states that the ‘new-things’ loses its appeal to excite because of ‘hedonic adaptation’ which is :

- the new-things become a part of our daily lives and we adapt.

- the new-things breeds desire for more new-things

- the new-things foster comparisons. One enjoys it only till a friend buys a better one.

While our experiences become a bigger part of ourselves than our material goods, because:

-the experiences become a part of one’s identity,

-the experiences are enjoyable in anticipation of planning.

-the experiences are consumed directly with other people and become a part of stories that we share with them afterwards.

Strangely, this research findings were in contrast to the common assumption that it was wiser to spend money on new-things (tangibles) as they last longer than experiences (intangibles). History too made a strong case for our love for new-possessions. The kings grew their size of their sovereignty by conquering territories by force, coercion, dishonesty or warfare. This disposition continues to surface in our personal kingdoms too where we get hardwired to accumulating more and more new-things. Mistakenly, we also look for more confidence in the clothes that we wear or the car that we drive and also seek to recover from loss or loneliness or heartaches by purchasing unnecessary things to buy back our happiness .

While the debate continues, every individual designs their own right mix of new-things and experiences .But the only thing which must be considered is that the return on investment forever must be happiness and not consumption alone.

If happiness is long lasting pleasure, I would put my two cents on this. First, of course there are things we need to spend money to survive, to provide and to stay fed and warm and safe ( roti, kapda aur makaan) but beyond those basic needs excess material possessions do not enrich our lives instead causes ‘stuffocation’, a word coined by James Wallman in his book, ‘Living more with Less’. Hence, it is better to cut the price tag and explore the world outside because experiences will make us active learners, arouse our grits and challenge our inexhaustible power which just a new pair of shoes cannot. Second, with every passing year of life, we must re-echo that new-things will be with us for a ‘reason and a season’ while experiences will stay with us for a ‘lifetime’ having sad moments deleted or edited. Fast forward to your 60s & 70s, these flashbacks of experiences will stay with us forever to share, relive and bring a smile on your face.

Therefore, if new-thing versus experiences become a Sophie’s choice for you, my advise will be to never sacrifice experiences for the new-things. This is because as we get old all we have is the memories so we better make some good ones.

Read on my next feature in which I will dive you into some practical ways to create experiences that adds more value to life and provide you with a reservoir of nostalgia. Till then, answer my big question, ‘What makes you happier, experiences or things?’ Share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Continued … next week